Barbara Hannah Grufferman Become a fan 
Author, "The Best of Everything After 50"; Host, AARP YouTube Channel; Contributor, AARP; Positive Living Advocate

The Good Patient: How to Make Your Doctor Love You

Everyone fantasizes about finding the perfect doctor. The one who will remember every single thing about you, year after year; who will be completely up-to-date on the latest medical discoveries and research; who will listen to everything you need to talk about without rushing you out the door so she can see the next managed care patient. (Helpful hint: Not all doctors accept Medicare. Before you get too attached to your primary care physician, make sure she accepts Medicare, so when you reach 65 you can continue as a patient.)

Your primary care physician must have the ability to listen to your concerns, show empathy and work with you to understand your symptoms and address the problem. If you're not getting this from your PCP, find another.

Your PCP should be well connected to other doctors and able to refer you to the best specialists. Ideally, your PCP will be "networked" to other doctors, allowing each physician to pull up your information at the touch of a button. My doctors are all within the New York University Medical Center system, which means they can see what's going on with me from all perspectives, at any time, quickly and easily.

We expect a lot from our doctors, but it's a two-way street. I asked a few physicians to tell me which behaviors they see in patients that impede their ability to provide the best care. In addition to the obvious, such as being late for appointments, keeping your cell phone on during appointments (or worse: answering the calls), or not calling a day before to cancel, there were a few things all the doctors listed as especially frustrating. Are you guilty of any of these common complaints?

• The patient brings friends or family into the checkup room who take over the conversation. While I don't yet bring anyone into my doctor's appointments, I do accompany both my mother and mother-in-law to theirs. They are 75 and 83, respectively, and a second set of ears and eyes is always a good thing, especially when the doctor is discussing procedures, medicine and follow-up recommendations. In this case, I believe physicians welcome my presence, as long as I don't completely take over. I always take notes and ask the doctor to repeat or review something if I don't understand.


• The patient doesn't reveal the entire truth about her lifestyle. Don't hold anything back, and never lie about what you do and don't do. Your doctor is not there to judge you, but to help. If you feel judged, get a new doctor. There are things in your genetic history or your past or present lifestyle that can affect your health, and your doctor can't know about them if you don't tell. Be prepared to discuss everything you know about your parents' and siblings' health histories, too. For women, a key predictor of long-term health is your mother's health history, specifically her experiences with pregnancy and menopause.


• The patient stops taking medications without consulting the doctor.My mother has been guilty of this many times, and in fact recently revealed that she hadn't had her Coumadin (a blood thinner) level checked in her blood for a few months, even though she's supposed to go every other week. Why? She felt fine and didn't see the need. People stop taking medications all the time, usually because they feel better or can't afford the cost. It's a chronic situation, especially as Americans get older. I have now been dubbed the "General" in my family for staying on top of both my mother and mother-in-law regarding their medicines and doctor visits.


• The patient believes in the "magic pill" approach to better health, instead of lifestyle adjustments. Most doctors I interviewed strongly urged patients to take the "lifestyle changes first, meds second" view, which entails doing and not doing certain things -- smoking, fitness, eating better and so on -- to address their health issues. But, since there is a pill for just about everything that ails us, many people just continue doing what they're doing, believing they are protecting their health with meds.


• The patient is a "serial screener". We're fortunate to be living in an age where there are screening tests for almost every potential disease or illness. However, there is such a thing as overdoing it, especially when it comes to medical testing. There are patients who want screening tests performed even when they don't need them, which can cause complications, false positive results and unnecessary procedures.


• The patient just doesn't listen. This is probably the most frustrating concern of all. The doctor will explain what the patient needs to do in order to prevent disease or improve their health, but the patient will walk out of the office and never look back. Our doctor can only assess and recommend. It's up to us to take control and follow the advice.If you don't yet have the right doctor, ask for recommendations from friends and family. Your insurance plan may limit your pool of possible doctors, so start with those that are in your network. Whoever your doctor is, and no matter how much you respect her, remember: It's your body and your life. You can find the ideal PCP who, in turn, can refer you to the best specialists in the country. She can listen, empathize and advise... but that doesn't mean you should ever just hand your life over. Pay attention to medical information, ask questions about anything you don't understand and get second or even third opinions when warranted. According to a recent articlein the Wall Street Journal, "Evidence is mounting that second opinions -- particularly on radiology images and pathology slides from biopsies -- can lead to significant changes in a patient's diagnosis or in recommendations for treating a disease." But, if you do seek another opinion, it's best to let your doctor know.

We all deserve to have doctors who respect, encourage and support our desire to be vigilant about our own health. But, doctors deserve good patients who are willing to work with them in partnership to improve the health and well-being of their patients.


Tips on How to Be a Good Patient 
 Download article as a PDF

Being a good patient means more than just sticking your tongue out and saying "ah." As a patient, you should have an active interest in your care and treatment, and you should also work to understand and protect your rights. Here are some tips in getting an "A" for being a good patient.

Understand Your Rights

• You have the right to "fire" your physicians. If you do not like the way your physicians treat you, if you do not trust them, or if you do not believe they are providing you with the best possible care, you can leave.
  
  
• You have the right to take an active interest in your care and treatment. Ask any question of your physician that you feel is important to you. Do not get hung up on the idea that it is a "stupid" question. If you are curious about it, then you have the right to ask and receive an honest answer.
  
  
• You have the right to be told about alternative courses of treatment, even if your health insurance may not cover them or you may not be able to afford them. If you find that your physician is saying things like "well, there is another option, but you probably can't afford it," put an end to the practice by stating clearly and plainly that you are aware of your right to be told of all possible options whether or not you may be able to pay for them.
  
  
• You have the right to refuse consent for any procedure or treatment. If you refuse consent, you may be asked to read and sign a form indicating that refusal.
  
  
• You have the right to leave the hospital or care facility against medical advice. You will be likely have to sign a waiver form indicating that you are doing so on your own free will and against the recommendations of your medical providers.
  
  
• You have the right, if you are asked to participate in a medical or drug trial, to ask specific questions regarding the purpose of the trial, the potential risks of the trial, the benefits which you may receive, payments to which you may be entitled, and measures taken to protect your privacy.
  
  
• You have the right to be treated with dignity and respect in all matters related to your health.
  
  

Act Responsibly and With Your Interests In Mind

• Become knowledgeable about your own health and any conditions or diseases that you may have. The more you know about your health, the harder it will be for anyone (like an insurance company) to pull the wool over your eyes by telling you that a treatment or medication is inappropriate or unwarranted. The smarter you are about your health, the more powerful you become.
  
  
• Keep careful records of your medical health. Start a diary that includes information on your general health status and the reactions that you have to any medications prescribed by your physician during the course of an illness. If you have a written record, it will be much easier for you to remember and explain your concerns to your physician at your next meeting.
  
  

Example: A diary entry could state something like, "On Monday June 4, after getting home from the hospital, I took the first dosage of the antibiotic and was up with insomnia all night. The same thing happened the next three days in a row. Is this normal? Is it related to the antibiotic?"

You can also use this same idea to make a written list of questions that you have for any regular checkup or physicians' visit.

Example: A list could contain both specific questions, such as "Is my blood pressure higher or lower than my last visit," to the more abstract such as "What can I do to lower my blood pressure?"

• If you have seen other physicians or specialists since last seeing your physician, do not assume that he or she knows all about your other treatments. Bring a list of any other physicians or medical providers you have seen. If you have reports, charts, x-rays, or test results from those other providers, bring them with you.
  
  
• Bring a pad of paper and pen with you to any visit with your physician. Many patients have "selective memories" when it comes to medical care, and they may only remember the good things about their visit. Write down a summary of everything your physician tells you as he or she is telling it to you. That way, you can review your notes later to refresh your memory about all aspects of your medical health.
  
  
• If physicians make you anxious or nervous, consider bringing your spouse, sibling, mature child, or good friend with you to your appointment. Make sure your companion is someone you trust and with whom you can share your feelings or worries, particularly if you are afraid that you may receive bad news. Having a hand to squeeze or a hug at the ready in those hard times may go a long way toward making you feel better emotionally, if not physically.
  
  
• Take good care of yourself. Follow the advice and recommendations of your physician. Your well-being or your very life could depend upon it.